on Me, finally

Ok this is where it finally becomes interesting. Away with the pretentious crap and superficial distraction. Today I finally started to come to terms with the thought that I am continually exhibiting major self-destructive behaviour and it's gotta stop. I went to my parents today and told them I am not doing well, that the stress is too much, I do not know where to start and that I don't want to talk about it. Oh and that I'm 1500$ in debt. 

Being the great parents that they are, they did not shout or cry, which I kind of expected, but agreed to pay off the whole thing if I got myself some psychiatric help. Woohoo!

In light of this let me finally introduce myself. I'm a manic-depressive, manipulative, sometimes compulsive thinker. University bores me and the lectures are not challenging at all. I hate happy people, can't stand most music, and really really really detest people who think they need to be themselves. I hate a lot of things. What I like is showing off, to make the people around me feel dumb and inadequate. Even when I try not to I do it subconsciously. I enjoy winning, and the sight of someone else loosing. I enjoy being an aristocrat, if only in my own mind.

My best friends are just as hautain as I am. One of them is continually pulling internships out of every corner, lets call him A. He's the casual smart I need to show everyone that I do know everything type. I love to spar with him when it comes to omniscience. My second best friend is royalty, in his own mind. He has style, taste, is a great speaker and knows how to treat labour-class people, let's call him B. My third friend is one of my most recent friends. He's on a power trip these days after winning a local election, probably new to being popular, and most likely so far in the closet he's finding christmas gifts. I think our friendship will end as fast as it started, but while it lasts let's call him C. My last friend, D is the only true friend I have outside of the university gates. It is kind of pathetic. He's stood by me for the last 18 years, and again, is as pretentious and well dressed as any of my friends. He knows how to appreciate life's finer tastes, and has been earning more money since his 15th than most people do in their 40's.

They are my four horsemen of the apocalypse. I confide in them, smoke cigars with them and discuss philosophy with them. Only A and C really know each other, because I don't like it when my good friends mingle.

My parents have money, but not enough for my tastes. I went to private school, played tennis and waterpolo, flown first class... the usual. Yes, it does make a bad person. However my parents do not get me, they think I look down upon them, which I probably do. 

I analyse myself a lot, especially when no-one is around I like to retrace my steps in life. One of the conclusions I have arrived at is that everything I touch somehow goes through the steps of life at a faster pace. Projects I am involved with blossom instantly, but tend to die soon after. Same with friendships. This makes people think I am more useful than I actually am. 

Well, enough about me for now. It's time for dinner